i feel so alone

so i can’t give out too many details or else it would be a violation of privacy.
so there’s this woman on the ward, with a bunch of other kids at home. i guess her boyfriend, the father of her children, is in and out of jail. she is currently living with his mother. but now she’s pregnant with another man’s child, and facing eviction from her boyfriend’s mother’s house, along with all her children.

now she’s well into the second trimester and she starts bleeding. there’s an abnormality with the placenta which means she needs to be on bedrest so she won’t bleed. then we get an ultrasound to see where things are at and discover her fluid levels are low. by the way, the bleeding she’s experiencing can indeed happen with the kind of placenta she has, but it has way more to do with her history of cocaine and other illicits.

yes it’s a complicated pregnancy. but baby is doing fine and actually looks quite content in there. her bleeding is minimal.

then one of the residents gets a bright idea. since she didn’t want or intend this baby anyway… we should get a better ultrasound through the high risk doctor, given her decreased fluid levels. and maybe, hopefully, we’d find an abnormality… so she could just abort the baby… and be a ‘better mom to her kids’ because she needs to be there for them too. the patient was all for it.

my heart was broken.

this baby did not ask to be conceived.

abortion is not going to solve the fact that her boyfriend is in jail, that she uses coke, that she had an affair while living under her boyrfriend’s roof and likely while his mother was watching her children.

but abortion WILL stop this hopeful little heartbeat from ever reaching it’s destiny – who knows? fireman, priest, sister, rock star, best friend, writer, scrabble geek…

we’ll never know.

but everyone thinks it will solve EVERYTHING.