it's friday and i apologize that i've got potty humor

the kids have a play kitchen stocked with play food. there's a baked potato which is light brown and semi-shiny which looks like a turd. in fact whenever i see it, i jump, thinking, 'oh, there's a turd on my floor.' this past week i was really sick. on a day that i was alone with the kids nursing a 103 degree fever, i saw a brown lump on the floor. oh, it's that potato again, i thought. but then i noticed there was more texture to it, and elijah was walking like a cowboy, checking out the bottoms of his feet. yes, he had pooed, and it escaped the diaper, slid down his pants and onto the hallway. needless to say i made everyone FREEZE until the situation was handled.

but last night gary was in bed horsing around with the kids. the story was fresh in his mind. i found the plastic baked potato and put it under the blanket. then i moved the blanket exposing the potato and screamed, 'oh my gosh! when did that happen?!' gary freaked out, then started laughing because he knew i got him pretty good.

this morning we were talking about hemorrhoids in general. i stated that, overall, preparation H works really well, especially if refrigerated, it's more soothing. i pursed my lips and everted them in a tortuous manner, demonstrating the 'before-the-preparation-H-rectum'... then i relaxed my lips to demonstrate the 'after-the-medication' rectum.

gary looked at me for a really long time and finally said, "....thanks...for the imitation... of my ass."

and it was only 6am.