if i had a dvd hookup to my brain...
you could see the highs and lows of the last month or so since i've blogged. things started on a scary note, when beautiful precious lij decided to stop breathing. all because of the beloved thomas toothbrush gary took away because it was bedtime. "lucky" that my dad was right there as i lay dozing on the couch. i guess lij cried so hard he didn't get a breath in... which made him dizzy and pass out... which made him, again, not breathe. i heard a thump and wandered off the couch to see what was up. then out of nowhere my dad was on top of him giving him mouth to mouth, and my mom was screaming in terror. i felt my world collapse. i just saw the top of his fuzzy little head not moving. his chubby boy limbs were limp. i'm embarrassed now. instead of calling for the angels i yelled, "s**t!"
gulp. but things have gotten better since. how could they not? everything came into glaring perspective. i've done my best to super-indulge the kids, not with stuff, but with me-time... something they almost never get. i had a "date" with luci. we had the babysitter come in anyway, and i had the morning off since i put in a late night. luci and i had breakfast at mcD's... then, again i'm ashamed to admit... i tried to coerce her to come shopping with me. but she, come to think of it, started coercing me to go to the park. luci will never say, "hey, there's a park, let's go to it." she'll say something like, "oh, look at the beautiful swing and slide... i think they wouldn't be so lonely if we could play on them for just a little bit." so we went to the park. and i decided to put my all into getting into the mindset of a 4 year old girl. we were there for 2.5 hours in 40 degree sunshine. noses running, fingers cold, we pressed on. we played with EVERY piece of equipment, which is a lot! i learned that girls, too, could hunt squirrels, even if left alone. i learned that ginko leaves look like green ballet skirts, especially if stuck onto a piece of paper. i learned that big trees get lonely and need a hug, and little trees need leaves at their bases so they don't get cold. i also learned that luci could have stayed on for another 2 hours.
then came two back-to-back weekends away from the kids. hence the morbid previous blog. i thought, for real, there was a possibility our plane would go down. we spent the first weekend in fairfax, attending the Tepeyac gala. that was so awesome... there are some really high rollers out there! it was a dinner/auction set to raise money for the practice, to help serve the needs of the poor and crisis pregnancies. there were people younger than us bidding on huge stuff, e.g., 25 year old guy winning a 10K bracelet for his wife. or the other guy buying a round of golf for 4 buddies at 6K. i always wondered how that practice survived in such a counter-culture society... totally by the benefactors! they made an announcement, that only 50 OB/gyns in the nation are willing to practice in accord with the Catholic Church, and that 5 were attending the gala. so that was 10% of the U.S. right there. they presented a bouqet of roses to me. the weird thing is i felt it came right from Mary, as if to say, "i know."
the second weekend away was in York Harbor, Maine, where rox got married. that's the time the plane almost really DID go down. fingers and i were looking out of the window, squealing about how a lot of the homes in new hampshire looked like "who's the boss." fingers was starting to sing the theme when the plane took a huge dip. turbulence shmurbulence. it was testing my faith. yes i did miss the kids that weekend, but i think i spent the whole time laughing about something else, at least. we got there at 10am and said, so, where can we get lobster? ever since that meal, barring breakfast, we had lobster. i also attained a private maine accent which i didn't drop until we landed at dtw. "CHOWDAH!"
the most surreal... singing 'only you' with susan holmes, fingers, g, anne choi, and rox. realizing that 10 years ago a bunch of us (plus gaz) were living in the townhouse, agonzing about what to do with our lives. what would the next 10 years hold? i came to the conclusion that, even if i could go back in time and give myself advice, i wouldn't give anything of the future away. i'd truly just say, have faith, love HIM, have fun, and you're all set.
the most touching... i called luci on the way back to the airport. she was blowing several kisses into the phone, a.k.a., "giving me all her loveness." "mommy, you are my best friend and i never ever never want you to leave, because you are mine forever. i will not hang up on you so we can talk all the way home." just had a misty-eyed thought... God loves us AT LEAST that much.
gulp. but things have gotten better since. how could they not? everything came into glaring perspective. i've done my best to super-indulge the kids, not with stuff, but with me-time... something they almost never get. i had a "date" with luci. we had the babysitter come in anyway, and i had the morning off since i put in a late night. luci and i had breakfast at mcD's... then, again i'm ashamed to admit... i tried to coerce her to come shopping with me. but she, come to think of it, started coercing me to go to the park. luci will never say, "hey, there's a park, let's go to it." she'll say something like, "oh, look at the beautiful swing and slide... i think they wouldn't be so lonely if we could play on them for just a little bit." so we went to the park. and i decided to put my all into getting into the mindset of a 4 year old girl. we were there for 2.5 hours in 40 degree sunshine. noses running, fingers cold, we pressed on. we played with EVERY piece of equipment, which is a lot! i learned that girls, too, could hunt squirrels, even if left alone. i learned that ginko leaves look like green ballet skirts, especially if stuck onto a piece of paper. i learned that big trees get lonely and need a hug, and little trees need leaves at their bases so they don't get cold. i also learned that luci could have stayed on for another 2 hours.
then came two back-to-back weekends away from the kids. hence the morbid previous blog. i thought, for real, there was a possibility our plane would go down. we spent the first weekend in fairfax, attending the Tepeyac gala. that was so awesome... there are some really high rollers out there! it was a dinner/auction set to raise money for the practice, to help serve the needs of the poor and crisis pregnancies. there were people younger than us bidding on huge stuff, e.g., 25 year old guy winning a 10K bracelet for his wife. or the other guy buying a round of golf for 4 buddies at 6K. i always wondered how that practice survived in such a counter-culture society... totally by the benefactors! they made an announcement, that only 50 OB/gyns in the nation are willing to practice in accord with the Catholic Church, and that 5 were attending the gala. so that was 10% of the U.S. right there. they presented a bouqet of roses to me. the weird thing is i felt it came right from Mary, as if to say, "i know."
the second weekend away was in York Harbor, Maine, where rox got married. that's the time the plane almost really DID go down. fingers and i were looking out of the window, squealing about how a lot of the homes in new hampshire looked like "who's the boss." fingers was starting to sing the theme when the plane took a huge dip. turbulence shmurbulence. it was testing my faith. yes i did miss the kids that weekend, but i think i spent the whole time laughing about something else, at least. we got there at 10am and said, so, where can we get lobster? ever since that meal, barring breakfast, we had lobster. i also attained a private maine accent which i didn't drop until we landed at dtw. "CHOWDAH!"
the most surreal... singing 'only you' with susan holmes, fingers, g, anne choi, and rox. realizing that 10 years ago a bunch of us (plus gaz) were living in the townhouse, agonzing about what to do with our lives. what would the next 10 years hold? i came to the conclusion that, even if i could go back in time and give myself advice, i wouldn't give anything of the future away. i'd truly just say, have faith, love HIM, have fun, and you're all set.
the most touching... i called luci on the way back to the airport. she was blowing several kisses into the phone, a.k.a., "giving me all her loveness." "mommy, you are my best friend and i never ever never want you to leave, because you are mine forever. i will not hang up on you so we can talk all the way home." just had a misty-eyed thought... God loves us AT LEAST that much.
posted by mad @ 6:05 AM
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