no one here but us mermaids
luci and i were sitting in the car, sun streaming in, eating KFC. she was perched on the back of the passenger seat (folded down). it was the perfect day...56 degrees. lij was behind us eating mashed potatoes and smashed up chicken. "mommy... i'm pretending to be ariel on a rock," she smiled, reaching for a napkin. lij just giggled.
she's been cracking me up lately. we were in the store and 'angel of the morning' came on. she announced loudly, "mommy! that's our song! remember when we sang it at lola and lolo's house?" then we were at another store and she was singing 'hot child in the city' extremely audibly. a clerk, who looked like a former pat benetar fan, nodded her approval.
we all went to the circus yesterday. i think lij was scared 40% of the time. luci wanted to ride on the elephants, but it was $10 per person for like 6 seconds. so we had to say no. but overall we had an awesome time. i finally figured out how some of the 'magic' tricks were done.
but there's been something in the back of my head forever. and i know God is going to handle it in His time. so it's on my heart to do nfp-only OB... which is so against the 'culture of death' right now. the problem is this... who's going to hire me? no 'normal' OB job would take me purely because it would be such a pain for the partners to have to cover me - e.g. write my scripts, perform my tubals... not to mention that it would be public outrage for a hospital to give me privileges and a salary, only for me not to perform the gamut of things a community would 'need'. that leaves the nfp-only practices. here's a secret: they pay beans. all of these guys who've seen the light and started nfp-only practices have had the luxury to pay off their med school debts. then there's me. stuck in the middle. i can't work for a secular practice, because God's put it on my heart that it's wrong. but i'm bringing almost 200k of debt to the table only to earn 25-30% of what normal OBs make. in fact, i don't know of any practicing physician, other specialties included, that's going to make as little as me. this is very very difficult... because i feel like maybe i shouldn't have gone to school to incur this kind of debt at all.
then i think of my quality time with the family. i can't make that little, only to have to work another part-time job to make up the difference. then i might as well be a 90+ hour per week resident for the rest of my life.
sigh*. that's where i'm at. that's why i've been so quiet.
she's been cracking me up lately. we were in the store and 'angel of the morning' came on. she announced loudly, "mommy! that's our song! remember when we sang it at lola and lolo's house?" then we were at another store and she was singing 'hot child in the city' extremely audibly. a clerk, who looked like a former pat benetar fan, nodded her approval.
we all went to the circus yesterday. i think lij was scared 40% of the time. luci wanted to ride on the elephants, but it was $10 per person for like 6 seconds. so we had to say no. but overall we had an awesome time. i finally figured out how some of the 'magic' tricks were done.
but there's been something in the back of my head forever. and i know God is going to handle it in His time. so it's on my heart to do nfp-only OB... which is so against the 'culture of death' right now. the problem is this... who's going to hire me? no 'normal' OB job would take me purely because it would be such a pain for the partners to have to cover me - e.g. write my scripts, perform my tubals... not to mention that it would be public outrage for a hospital to give me privileges and a salary, only for me not to perform the gamut of things a community would 'need'. that leaves the nfp-only practices. here's a secret: they pay beans. all of these guys who've seen the light and started nfp-only practices have had the luxury to pay off their med school debts. then there's me. stuck in the middle. i can't work for a secular practice, because God's put it on my heart that it's wrong. but i'm bringing almost 200k of debt to the table only to earn 25-30% of what normal OBs make. in fact, i don't know of any practicing physician, other specialties included, that's going to make as little as me. this is very very difficult... because i feel like maybe i shouldn't have gone to school to incur this kind of debt at all.
then i think of my quality time with the family. i can't make that little, only to have to work another part-time job to make up the difference. then i might as well be a 90+ hour per week resident for the rest of my life.
sigh*. that's where i'm at. that's why i've been so quiet.
posted by mad @ 3:29 PM
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