the power of a child's prayer

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gary and i brought the family to monday nite mass, since we all missed the sunday because i got called in to work. i was trying to remember what was significant about that particular mass. well... luci beefed really loudly and people turned and looked at gary. of course, if someone farts, it's gotta be the guy, right? not the little girl with a purple dress and purple ribbon in her hair. maybe its payback for all the times we've gotten off scott free blaming someone else for "dealing it."

no. after mass i remember luci kind of staring at the statue of Mary and Baby Jesus. i said, 'do you want to go talk to Her?' she nodded, so we walked over. luci got down on her knees and folded her hands, not saying anything. 'do you want to pray about something?' she nodded, but looked blankly at me. so i guided and she repeated, 'dear Mommy Mary and Baby Jesus, please help mommy find a good job, where she can do Your work, and still have time for luci. oh, and please help luci and lijah be good kids. amen."

turns out there are amazing things in the works, that i can't even articulate. i just know She's been there for me since the beginning. back when Her image (specifically, the Lady of Guadalupe) was on a candle i had on my desk when i studied. back at the Spirit in the Life seminar when someone saw Her wrapping me in Her mantle, asking me to save children for heaven. or the week before boards when i was worried about doing well, finding a novena booklet on a random table at a restaurant that was long abandoned. i still have that book in my purse. or when i was running late to my residency interview, and i didn't know where the doctor's office was... following her image (a tire cover on a hispanic mom's van) right to the place. or how about getting the residency spot on Her feast day, Dec. 12.

now i'm looking at a place that specifically hangs Her image in their waiting room. imagine a life where i won't have to beg my partners to not do tubals/contraception. imagine a circle of partners who would be supportive, not the kind that swear all the time and get cranky because they can't see the big picture. or laugh at me for feeling sentimental during a hysterectomy. bye bye uterus... thank you for housing all those children.

then the devil creeps in. what if they don't want me? what if i'm not a good enough doctor? why shouldn't i just bite the bullet and make life easier... get a normal job and still sort of compromise on issues i feel strongly about?

but i feel a strange surge of faith and a goosebumpy feeling. like i'm supposed to go all out - all or nothing. how could She not take me? She knows me too well!

thank you luci, for your heartfelt prayer. thank you too, Mommy.

uh oh

so we ended our 9-day vacation at church sunday evening. they had the lifeteen praise band there. it was pretty good. then at the end the guitarist played this gratuitous hendrix-esque intro lick for 'the first noel'. left a weird taste in my mouth. seriously, at first i thought the guy was going to play the national anthem. then four measures before the start of the song he got into a cici deville-esque thirds fast finger action type thing. i told gary that i thought it took away from the praise & worship aspect, and made it more of a performing diva atmosphere. especially when the band applauded themselves after mass and continued to tell jokes on the mics long after people were leaving. but the burning question is this... how can the parish be okay with that, but not okay with the fact that lij (a.k.a. nacho) kept giggling towards the end of mass?

what a good break. i realized i haven't had a vacation since i started working after maternity leave, jan 30 2006. i guess we've just had really crammed weekends, and that's okay. i've had lots of luci (a.k.a esqueleto) time, and it's been wonderful. she had a hard time waking up to find me gone, so i hear. we're also starting our 5th day with panties (no diaper!). only 3 accidents in the house, one was genuine (in the bathroom).

lij's big breakthrough is saying "uh oh," which really sounds more gutteral. "uuughh nhhh!"