butterflies

i was doing an ultrasound when my friend stacey ran into the room and said she needed the machine. she never does that. so i figured it was something big. i unplugged it and ran down the hall with her. my other friend andy was with the other patient who looked nervous; her name is jessica, and we bonded because she named her boy elijah too. long story short, jessica lost her baby girl in the night. ultrasound confirmed that the heart was not beating. not only that but the baby was breech, which meant there was a high chance she'd go to c-section. she opted to have a c-section immediately instead of laboring.

sigh. she was wailing, and her mom, who was with her, practically laid on top of her. i felt terrible. i picked up her elijah and sat him on my lap. we just sat there forever. he didn't mind.

before surgery i went back to her room and she was gone. i thought she might have left the hospital to cope. then she returned from the gift shop. "i had a dream that hannah liked butterflies." (she was going to name her hannah...) "her room is decorated with butterflies." she pulled out a newborn dress and matching booties bought at our gift shop. "i want her buried in this." it had butterflies all over it.