overheard

'hi daddy, my name is luci and i have a poop in my diaper.'

it's been an awful week of nights. craziest thing seen: we took someone to c-section for bad heart tones. the baby not only had the cord around its neck, which happens all the time and isn't a big deal... but it was grasping its cord really tightly in its right hand. one of my attendings told me not to get curious and ultrasound myself when i was pregnant with 'lij. she was having fun herself and saw her little boy squeezing his cord, releasing, squeezing... his heart tones would crash, then come back up. you just don't want to know. makes me thankful for guardian angels.

i left 'lij alone for a second and came back to find him wrestling with his toy octopus. he's at the point where he'll be eating, then stop to smile at me. i love his eyes.

praise God II

so... Gary's school is taking a hit. there are 5 paychecks left this year, and they're proposing spreading them out through the fall. so basically he'd get 2.5 paychecks until the end of the school year. i was surprisingly calm when he told me. we all went out for fish fry and didn't really think about it. "you know we're going to be ok, right?" he asked. "yeah...we don't really have a choice but to be ok."

then saturday morning i hear him screaming from the living room. "what?!" i was scared for a second. "is 'lijah ok?" he hands me this letter that i'd accidentally thrown into the non-important mail file. it's from pfizer. it says that he never cashed his last check from 7.14.2000. we have 3 weeks to cash it before the money goes to the state. it adds up to approximately 2.5 paychecks.

again, He is making it obvious for us. yesterday i kept thinking, as often as i take Him for granted i don't deserve blessings. but i also remember it's not about me and what i've done... the price has been paid.

here's where the story ends

there's been a lot of chick imagery, being springtime and so close to Easter. 'hey luci,' i said, 'when i was a little girl grandma got me two chicks!' she turned from the tv and really started listening. 'grandma stopped by a farm and got chicks for uncle marv, uncle gub, and mommy... they were so cute!' she kept listening. 'they had sharp feet so it hurt when they were on my arm, but they said 'peeek peeek' and were so cute!'

'then what happened mommy?'

'they got big.... and they became roosters!'

'then what mommy?'

(silence)

the untold story: mommy came home from school and grandma and grandpa had made chicken stew. it was so yummy with carrots, potato, and bean thread noodles. then uncle marv, uncle gub and mommy went to play outside. we were hitting the baseball and rounding the bases. first base was the clothesline. second base was a tree stump, which happened to be bloody and have feathers around it today. hmmm. maybe the cat got a bird. third base was a gopher hole. and home base was the patio. hmm.

march recap

luci in own 'bed'
'lij out of shell with chirps, screeches, and the lop-sided smile
luci = dragon kite face/baby penguin/hopper/nemo
'lij = ball/pelota/'lots(or. pelota)/sciops (or. scio pao)
mommy = gracie(or. scamper)/dory/mommy penguin
daddy nicknames = prince charming/daddy penguin
luci somewhat using the potty
'lij smiling as luci almost knocks his eyeballs loose rocking him

milestones

the other night luci made a bed for herself about 4 feet away from our bed. i thought, hmm, novelty... then i woke up at 5:30. where was she? gary said, "can you believe she slept by herself?" it sank in. it began. my heart felt heavy.

when she was 2 months old we were at a wedding, and suddenly it struck me how it seemed like just yesterday that i delivered her, and one day i'd be helping her get dressed on her wedding day too. people thought i was crazy, after all, she was just born. yesterday we delivered a beautiful little girl. her father stared at her as she lay in the warmer and said softly, "time is going to fly so fast... i love you so much..." people were giving him a hard time too.

last night luci made her own bed and announced 3 or 4 times, "my own bed." ok, ok.... gary said prayers with her while i fed 'lijah. i heard her say, "daddy sleep here?" "no luci, i sleep with mommy up there." then i climbed down and said goodnight to her. i kissed my big girl. she said, "mommy, stay and sleep here?" "no, luci, i'm going back to sleep with daddy, but i can lie here for awhile." i closed my eyes and almost drifted off.

"mommy, sleep in your bed."
"yes, luci, i will."
"no... mommy, i come too."
"really?"

i all too eagerly scooped her up and plopped her right next to me. she put her face in my neck and her knee in my back, and was instantly in dreamland. in the meantime 'lijah was squirming, waiting for a snack. i must never take any of this for granted.

pink walls

very cool lecture this morning. all about contraception. pills, patch, ring, barrier, iud, 'emergency' contraception, sperimicide, permanent sterilization... and last but not least, nfp. it was a pretty lighthearted discussion. one resident talked about how her nuva ring would squeak while she was doing yoga. another resident talked about how she regrets letting her husband get a vasectomy, so she's going to get him drunk and do the reversal herself some day. we went down the list and talked about the pros/cons of each, and from our pool of residents, each method had been tried at least once if not currently in use. except nfp. after every slide someone would chime in, 'and that's what i use!' then after the nfp slide i got to chime in, 'and that's what i use!' i was expecting an uncomfortable silence, and prepared for a nice cricket at nighttime joke. but it turned into a good, honest, open discussion for about 3 minutes. praise God, He set me up!

friday i was in love. i was about to leave for a whole two-day weekend completely pager-free. so giddy. the last words out of my mouth were to a patient, 'take it easy... get rest, and don't puff the magic dragon.' my friend was like, did you actually just say that?!

i miss luci and 'lij again. wonderful, big-eyed, talkative, spirited, sometimes stinky, cuddly products of natural, synthetic hormone-free, Spirit-breathed conception.

mcdreamy

gary cantored for the first time yesterday... it was strange because i knew he was so nervous. it was nerve-wracking but at the same time... it's mass, not a vibe/post-vibe/greenie/lakeside thing. his voice just floated, the tone was so warm and the vibrato was there. he did a piece on the acoustic guitar during a time of reflection, 'He knows my name'. afterward fr. dave introduced him to the congregation as the youth activities coordinator, and said, "doesn't he have a good voice?" everyone applauded.

i felt like a college girl again... as if watching him sail into a fasa meeting with his guitar. but afterward i thought, yikes, you almost wouldn't want someone to do such a good job... it's the perfect opportunity for pride to enter in, for the devil to twist it all up when it's supposed to be for God.

gary said that during the communion song he felt like he was serenading Him.